1 tsp sugar; 1 or 2 quarts of rum; 1 cup dried fruit; brown sugar; 1 tsp soda; 1 cup butter; 2 large eggs; 1 cup baking powder; 3 juiced lemons; 1 cup nuts

        Before starting, sample rum to check quality. Good, isn't it? Now proceed.
        Select large mixing bowl, measuring cup, etc.
        Check rum again. It must be just right. To be sure rum is of proper quality, pour one level cup into a glass and drink it as fast as you can. Repeat.
        With electric mixer, beat 1 cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add 1 teaspoon of thusar and beat again.

Meanwhile, check rum. Try another cup. Open second quart if necessary.
        Add 1 eggs, 2 cups of dried fruit and beat 'til high. If druid gets stuck to beaters, pry loose with a drewscriver.
        Sample rum again, checking for tonscisticity.
        Next sift 3 cups of pepper or salt (really doesn't matter).
        Sample rum.
        Sift half pint of lemon juice. Fold in chopped butter and strained nuts.
        Add 1 tablespoon of brown sugar, or whatever color you can find, Wix mell. Grease oven. Turn cake pan to 350 gredees. Pour mess into boven and ake.
        Check rum again and bo to ged.
        And haffie holiglaze two ya' all!

        - by Margaret Harris